Tribes

Last post I talked about looking for a walking partner. Well, I am still looking ...but!  I found a writers group here in Las Vegas. They meet twice a week and so far they look like an active and diverse group of people dedicated to the craft. 

I now have a new tribe. Feeling grateful and happy at this new addition to my life.

Found a piece of poetry I wrote to Chance.  He wrote poetry for me which I loved. This is about our back and forth in the beginning. He so wanted me to move in with him and I resisted for a while. Then I gave way.

You whisper.

You push.

You pull.

You're insistent.

I giggle.

I skip.

I jump.

I'm silent.

You waited.

I'm here.

You're there.

I surrender. 

 Longing and Belonging

Dealing with being alone and facing my own longings is full of potholes and hurdles - especially in this world where we are dealing with Covid.  

Its not that I fear being alone - I just don't like it. I am not one of those made for a solitary existence. I am also not looking to replace what has been lost. There is no replacing Chance. He is at the heart of nearly everything I do or think about. I do not need a new mate. What I do need is some company. Company of other people who maybe share an interest in art, in writing...in walking, in dogs...in, umm LIFE. 

I am trying to get into better shape. I have been looking for another person to walk with for several weeks now. It sounds so simple, doesn't it? I like the idea of having someone else to walk with and talk with. So appealing. As a woman out walking on my own it is a challenge. Men can be such assholes to women - and if you are a man you might be surprised by some of the things other men have said to me while I am out on my own walking.

I walk my dogs - but dog walking is not the same. For starters, we don't have conversations unless you count me telling them to stay and not pull on the leash while I pick up their poop. Walking without stopping is not possible or very enjoyable for my dogs and what I need is a good old fashioned get going and straight ahead walk.

Belonging is a human need. It seems to be more challenging to find that place of belonging as we age. Particularly when family lives far away or are quite busy with their own lives. I don't have any answers here. I will keep swinging for the fences but it is not easy. 

My furry buddies.

Chance walking one of the dogs caught on Google Maps.

 Kisses and Sweet Talk

I found another yahoo chat today. The one where you told me you kissed me and talked to me in my sleep.  

This is what we had. This is what I am missing.  You spoiled me with your love and attention and that my man was ongoing and it was the glue in our relationship.  I would have done absolutely anything for you.  

I didn't have your quiet nature but you weren't looking for that. You told me early on you didn't want a partner who was shy. I was anything but. So the introvert finds the extrovert and they lived together happily.  

I was the rough to your smooth.  The boisterous to your retiring nature and you seemed to enjoy the contrast. You were the quarterback and the goal kicker and I was the linebacker and the blocker. We made it work for us.

I miss your hugs, I miss your soft touches and your heart.  I miss holding your hand every night as we went to sleep. We had such beauty here. No one would guess at what we had. 

 I was never really insane, except on occasions where my heart was touched... Edgar Allen Poe

Yep. I was pretty much insane from that moment we came together.  That never changed. 

I realize, especially from past relationships that included the marriage that proceeded our own that things tend to calm down and lose their sparkle as time marches on. That did not happen for me with you. 

My heart still went pitty-pat with you - not every day, but it certainly did in those moments we shared dancing to our song,  me hugging you from behind while you made Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner and you dragging me about the kitchen behind you patting my hands that were clasped around your middle. Sometimes I felt it while  watching you repair something in the garage or even just watching you sitting and reading. 

Forever crazy about you. 

  Starting Over

I started this blog to post things about Las Vegas. Ironic that it is called My Vegas Crush - because my actual crush in life shared this place in the world with me, until he didn't. He died Sept 2020. My world collapsed.

This space is now going to be occupied by the writings and ramblings having to do with the life I have left after losing Chance.  He was the center, and now that he is gone there is this hole. No carpet will cover it, no nice words, no sprinkling of fresh grass seed.... it is a hole that will remain. 

When you find someone - anyone - who gets you, someone you don't have to explain yourself to all the time - someone who asks the hard questions - consider yourself blessed. Whomever they are they hold a place in your life that does nothing but add to your life. If subtraction happens it is your choice... until it isn't. 

Sunday Morning Coffee

Corner of Eastern and Horizon Ridge

The view from here is even better at night.  This is our sometimes Sunday morning or anytime I need some coffee and am feeling slow spot.  Yes, it is a Starbucks, but it is a primo location because of the view.  It even has a small fountain.  This is in Henderson, on the southern end of the Las Vegas valley.

Maybe Snow In Las Vegas

We May Be Getting Snow for

The New Year 2015 and...

 A Conversation with My Husband.

It won't be the first time we get the white stuff here in the Las Vegas valley.  I will end this post with photos from the last time.

Last night before bed... realizing it is very cold out (36 degrees according to our porch thermometer) and that we had not wrapped the outside pipes, Chance goes looking for tape and rags.

Me: "Its supposed to be getting really cold this week. They say we may get snow New Years Eve."

Chance in another room: "What?!! You are making that up!"

Me: "It will be hitting freezing temps at night all week. No, I am not making it up -- says here -- snow, New Years Eve."

Chance: "Shit." He appears with rags and tape.

Me: "We will be toasting in the New Year on our porch with martinis and freezing while we are at it. Maybe watching it snow."

Chance: "You are a sadist. Stop saying that!" He goes outside to wrap the pipes.

Good thing, as it was 26 degrees at 6:30am. There would have been no water for anything today if he hadn't wrapped the pipes. Dear man. I love him so.

As said and shown in my very first post ~~~

2008 Record Snowfall in Las Vegas is just getting started here.

There is a Hotel you cannot see because of the whiteout. 

What looks like sky is snow.

This looks like a black and white photo - but notice the red fire hydrant.

I don't know if we will have snow for New Years, but we might.

  Living in the desert gives you the hottest and the coldest

 temps.  Hell really can freeze over here.

Happy New Year!